Waiting in the Dark...

Current Mood: content
Current Music: tv...

We took our house off the market!!!!!

Current Location: Ricketts.
Current Mood: content
Current Music: tv in the livingroom is on....

         I have so much to write about, so much on my mind. To start with since my last spurt of writing my insomnia has improved some. I can count on at least 4hours of sleep at night rather then the 20minutes before my alarm is going off. My mother and I are on the rocks now more then ever, but it doesn't seem to bother me. We've never seen eye to eye and I'm just at a point where its nothing unusual to me there for it doesn't bother me. 

         As far as work goes, I pretty much hate it., but what I hate more is how much its not  at all what I expected. I think we are designed to disagree with anything an adult figure tells us. All children wish they were older, wish they could get a job, move out, ect. Yet once you get closer and closer you can see it all for what it is. Like its on a top shelf and your little and can't truly see it but the glimpse you catch is exciting, but as you get older you can see more and more of it and it isn't until its there and you have to take it that you see you just want to go back. And I'm not just talking about work, how about when you use to think your neighborhood was the extent of the world? Can you honestly say those days weren't the best? Tearing through the streets on your bike and what not...your only worry was being on time for dinner so you could go out again after you ate. Or how about a not so long ago type thing? Such as calling your 'best friend' BEFORE you boyfriend or girlfriend. 

        I think what I miss most is how bluntly honest children are. Not a in your face type way cause their kids, they just tell you whats on their mind. Like the other day, my niece and I were getting ready to go somewhere and my younger sister came into the room with to much body spray on and she had gone a little overboard on the make-up. She asked me how she looked and knowing shes been a little fragile lately I told her she looked great and that yes the new spray smelt great. Well as soon as she passed by my niece made a little face and said "auntie whats that smell." Trying to answer her and change the subject I told her it was auntie dani's spray and asked her which hair clips she wanted. But she was no longer interested in her hair. She called to Danielle, at this my sister turned and looking up at her my niece giggled and said " grammy was right you do always put to much black stuff on your face." This little girl is not mean and had it been anyone else i doubt she would've said anything and rather then being hurt my sister washed some of the make-up off and changed her top to get rid of the smell of the spray.  Kids don't sugar coat anything but their cereal and they don't waste time stepping around feelings.


... so I've pretty much written a book here. So I'm off to read for a bit, maybe have some cheesecake and wait for becca to call. I miss her. :'(
       

Current Location: me home.
Current Mood: sigh.
Current Music: white flag--dido

I FOUND MY CAMERA CHARGER!
So if my computer isnt being a douche today i can upload new pics.
like from NeW yOrK!!!!
I miss it there....definately going back!
mkay this is pretty pointless really im just waiting for
the camera to charge so i can use it.
Ohhh and i miss him...tons.
yeap. thats about it.
feel free to comment...
 I miss you

Current Location: home.
Current Mood: imy!
Current Music: stereo is just repeating cause its froze and I dont feel like fixing it.

So within the past few days i remembered my password and decided to see how long I could keep this thing going so far I think I'm doing okay. My writing has been crap but that is because my mind is else where. I'm pretty much leading a boring life at the moment I go to track everyday after school and run like the devils on my tail for a reason that I have yet to find. I'm applying at Mama Mia's soon and hopefully I get the job, not only could I use the extra cash but I could also get my mother off my case for a bit...hopefully. I kinda miss tennis and am extremely pissed that out of the few nice days we had to play I only got down there ONCE. Ugh, I ended the night just trying to see the ball before it hit me with some junior from school that I had never met before and still don't know his last name. He was pretty good until it got dark though. hmm now I want to know his name.

Another thing I have yet to figure out is why I let Tonia cut my hair..I'm going to say..hell i don't even know what to say. All I know is that I am screwed. It looks horrid and even if i went and got it fixed professionally it would be like all gone. So I have decided that I am just going to keep my hair up and let it grow out. Thus far my plan has worked.Meah..umm in other news, I have started writing. I wouldn't call it a book or anything but its a story that just kinda came to mind one day when I was bored and I typed it out. So far I have 33 pages....Its crazy. I think I've written so much lately because its the only thing to do. I despise the cold so that pretty much kills going outside these days. 

Again my circle of friends has completely changed and I've learned something I now consider priceless. Alannah and I just had a big blow out. I'm sure we will be fine once school starts and I hate that this is what our friendship has come to. Sometimes I wish I could rewind, go back to the days when it truly was each other before the boyfriend. And this thing she is with now I despise, she pulled a typical Alannah forgave and forgot much to quickly and although we aren't anywhere near as close now I still look out for her. Steve is on of the last people I would be okay with her dating. I mean honestly where are these new friends of hers when she needs a wake up call?! It just pisses me off, ever since we started highschool we've become exactly opposites of each other. Sometimes I call her just to see whats up, these phone calls I could at one time use to trick myself into thinking she hadn't changed. Now even this doesn't work... No now when I call my 'sister' with a problem she listens somewhat with an impatient ear and as I finnish my last sentance she starts up with a story about 'the guy of the week' Honestly it gets old. 1.You cant fall in love with someone over a weekend. 2. Just because he says he wants to marry you doesn't mean he loves you. 3. WTF ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED FOR?! you're in highschool...a FRESHMAN. 4. Even IF you were to seriously consider this you have only known him for a few months. 5. Didn't we try this guy..and didn't shantelle get to sit on the phone with you for hours on end because he broke your fucking heart like she said he would in the first place?!  6. Why are you still not listening to the people who love you?!  7. Why is it that I'm your best friend for nearly 5 goddamn years and this player who thinks with the wrong head has more weight then me? Where the hell was he when you puked up your beef-a-roo all over my bedroom rug? WELL??!!

I know you'll read this because I know you. And don't think for a second I'm bitching about being there for you all these years. Stop and think about it, no really..cause I know that right now you're pretty pissed off after reading that. Which is not my goal at all. Alannah you were my best friend! Always there for me, knew what to say, what candy would make what pain go away, hell I jumped off a fucking garage roof with you for pure entertainment...I AM DEATHLY AFRAID OF HEIGHTS! You pushed me to do my best, told me when the guy I thought was perfect was really a loser, and made me feel better when he proved you right. I miss that.  I wrote this for the same reason I've wrote things like this in the past. I'm still your friend if you want me to be and I still got your back. I know you want to change. YOU have said it. I'm here for you 110% I will do anything I can to help you. If not me let it be Jamie, or one of the other people who want to see the old you again. Your stronger then you think. I know you and I know you can change, for the better. You know my number, anytime, i don't care why you need to talk just call me. I'm here for you. Its what friends do and I just want my best friend back.














<33Shantelle

Current Location: home
Current Mood: bored

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever you will surely drown

Current Location: home
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: none

School is boring..Im pretty much getting an A in all my classes. Cheerleading is fun but also very frustrating. Vicky is a saint and helped me so much. If i didnt have her and Crystalee i dont know what i would do. I'm not really look forward to competition and i dont really like the games either..basically im not to thrilled with cheerleading. Its just not what i had expected. Whatever i will finnish the season and see where that leaves me i guess.

Alannah and I started hanging out again for whatever reason. I'm glad we're friends but at the same time its hard cause shes not the lanna i remember. I knew she had changed but because i only saw her and hungout with her in school i could simply choose to ignore it. Now its obvious. Its just kinda sad. No matter what happens she'll never be the crazy kid i use to hangout with during the summer. Whos to say i havent changed, we have both been presented with the same problems same scenarios in life. We just made the exact opposite choices.

Anyway this is long and about random and boring things so I'm done now. Leave me comments...i could use them right about now.

Current Location: A little town no one knows about.
Current Mood: who said I wanna move?!?!?!

So we listed out house with RE-MAX  or whatever it is and i think the guy (fran) is gay. Not just stupid gay but really a homosexual.....yea. Its werid and when he comes to the house or i know hes coming i make sure to be gone. The thing that really sucks though is that my room always has to be like PERFECTLY clean or i cant go anywhere cause dipshit that would be what i call the relator said that the house is a new listing so it should pretty much always be ready for show. Fuck him why the hell doesnt  he come clean that damn house everyday and vacum and shit. Cause thier is NO WAY IN HELL im helping them.

<333Shantelle

Im not moving!!!!...atleast not without a fight.

Current Location: At a computer
Current Mood: SLEEP!
Current Music: does mikey snoring count?

Well i guess i can say highschool is everything i expected it to be and more. The only thing i didnt think would happen is me and my mom getting along AND being more like friends then ever before. Its werid and random and kinda scares me. Highschool has already changed me alot, i wont say for better or worse i guess it depends on how you look at it. People can still be pretty nasty but i dont really care anymore. I have given up on trying to make everyone around me happy, i guess i FINALLY realized what everyones been telling me. Its simply impossible no matter what you do someone isnt happy and im fine with that.

          I have a whole new group of friends and im so much happier. I have met a few guys and thats all im going to say there. Melissa is probabaly my new best friend and I hangout with Jamie quite often too. My classes are all easy thus far and im doing great. It seems like i have a quiz everyday but i dont really mind it. Tennis isnt going so great, my doubles partner isnt quiet as driven as i am and it can make a person very flusterd to feel like they are the only ones doing the work when they are part of a TWO person team. I think i seriously need to consult coach about doing doubles i think it would be a hundered times better and i would deff like it more. I played Shay Kangas and i put up a pretty fair fight she won in the end but im pretty sure if i would have stopped feeling bad and being worried about pissing her off with my short hits i would have won. Im pretty sure shes quite ticked about the whole thing.

Well thats all i have for now and this is long enough.